The Sexuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the Cranium

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, making love brings tremendous meaning and consequences.

Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready also).

B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine pop over to these guys (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are drawn in to exceptionally tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, well-being, nearness, and love .

However when problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They most likely wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that numerous of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay men particularly in urban areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".

North includes, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is crucial. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow in time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with common sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!

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