The Intimacy Snare, Balancing Hormones and the Head

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries immense significance and effects.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready also).

B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are drawn in to very difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in effective feelings of destination, enjoyment, love, wellness, and closeness .

When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They more than likely would not confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, go to this website an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says that a lot of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys specifically in urbane areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".

However, North includes, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is crucial. Chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow in time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, objectives, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!

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